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Words are useless. They can't express my feelings. What you read are my primitive, pathetic symbols. There isnt a word for when love and hate become the same thing. These people could never know, it would destroy them. There plastic eyes, machine smiles looking into mine; trying to convert. I will never be like you. I stare back preparing the great abyss I will one day find. I love these people; I want nothing more than to revive them, resesitate them from this plastic soul impalement. I hate these people, their foolish belief in the unlife that keeps them sustained. Why wont they listen. Why wont they save me. They are something different from me. And yet i live everyday on the brink of becoming what they are. if I wasnt so addicted to the foolish hope of finding another who has unhooked from their sanity of wires and tubes. If not for this hope I would leave these toxic cities, fed by the degredation of self. They sold out, forgot how to think for themselves. I work to destroy myself, searching for others, realizing in the end they are all somewhere along the line integrated into the primordial machine. They are all actors and I am the only one in the audience. Tiring of watching, waiting to EXPERIENCE.

I wonder what beauty is. really is. no outside factors. just pure, beauty. could it rest in a human. and if we are all tainted and ugly would that mean everything we create is just as polluted. The sound of laughter makes me convulse, vomit rising in my throat. Not because it is inherently disgusting, but because of the toxic chemicals infecting it ,seeping through the faces and bodies of those who rape it.
Will I ever meet anything but my own reflection?